nekrateholic: (Default)
 by this video:

And it makes me think. I am one of those people that... well I'm basically this post. But over the last year or so, it's getting a little more serious, and I've been in arguments with my best friend about equality and gay rights and all. (I spent about 15 minutes browsing through my tumblr to look for that post and I might or might not have lost my train of thoughts.)
The point was about how coming out is scary, even if you're comfortable with yourself but fuck that. The point now is that, even if I fully support gay rights and do victory dances when I hear a country has accepted gay marriage, I still can catch myself being awfully judgemental. It wasn't until recently that I began trying to stop using the word "gay" as a negative comment. And when I actually meet openly gay people the first thing I notice is their sexuality and although it's in a completely positive way, it stands out to me and I want to slap myself because being gay or not should not make a damn difference. Even the fact that usually being gay makes me like the person a little more and I hate it. I don't know. I'm probably not making sense but oh well.

On a lighter note, I am slowly becoming obsessed with One Direction. I swear it's Tyler Oakley's fault. I swear. It hurts.

Eye contact

Tuesday, November 5th, 2013 11:21 pm
nekrateholic: (Default)
So I've noticed something.
I never make eye contact. Not intentionally, at least. And if I do, I don't keep it. Especially when I talk to somebody I don't like/don't find interesting. I remember this time when a guy waited for the bus with me, and we talked (well, more like he talked) and I kept my eyes on the ground the whole damn time. Now that I think of it, he might have thought I was shy, but I was just generally uninterested.
I guess that's why I can never tell what color were someone's eyes.
Okay, I might have exagerrated a little. I sometimes keep eye contact. But that basicially means the person is either one of my best friends or someone I'm head over heels for. Actually, the second option first occured only recently. The person was just too pretty. And I couldn't really see their eyes... But the person was just so pretty.
Fangirling, woops.

I wonder if eye contact is this awkward to others too, or it's just my fear of people in general. O.o


Sunday, November 3rd, 2013 07:36 pm
nekrateholic: (Default)
~shh, I'm about to rant about Korean indie-something~
You don't know what/who Nell is? I didn't as well. Until when I was stalking a girl I really, really admire and saw she had posted a Nell song. A live video, to be exact.
(As I'm writing this said songs starts playing. Fate.)
And the song. This was the video too. I have literally written a love-confession to this song. I mean, TO the song. Not to a person, not to the band, to the song. I can't even explain the things it makes me feel.
That's enough, that's enough.

To be honest, I didn't like it at first. I'm not even sure if I listened the whole song the first time. My mind labeled it "not my thing". And then, when the same girl I admire and stalked was guest at a radio show and the theme was k-indie and k-rock, or something. They played mostly indie (and I bet this was partially that girl's fault, she adores indie). Anyway, they played a Nell song, and I liked it, I asked what was it, I found it on youtube, I decided to give Nell a second chance. And found Standing In The Rain again. And I fell in love. I mean, who wouldn't? I literally can't imagine a person not being in love with it. And there are people that are not and I was one of them and I just cannot understand it (and how stupid I was too). I never actually listened to anything other than Promise Me and Standing In The Rain for a long time. I had tried and again, somehow I just couldn't do it. (I'm stupid.) Right now I'm listening to one of their albums and am thinking of buying it, along with another one of their albums and I am scared to listen to everything because I'll end up buying their whole discography.
I like to think of myself as a growing person, music wise, because I find myself liking more and more of the of the things labeled "not my thing". But this is about Nell. Because I will never get tired of writing love letters to their Music. To them. Honestly, they're so high up my list of bands I respect, I don't even know if there are actually bands above them.

Let it crash.

nekrateholic: (Default)

That's not nessesarily related to the post, but it's Dan and he's damn right.
That being said, I'm in desperate need to spam someone with my youtube feels and since no one is particularly interested well, hi blog, long time no see.

So, I don't really remember how, but somehow I came across a TheFineBros video this morning. I like them, and especially youtubers react (because honestly, it makes me feel good when I see someone I know, and then again, they are really amusing to watch and I often find cute new people and damn I should stop writing in brackets). And, as always, somehow I ended up in their "All react episodes ever made" playlist and accidentaly saw a youtubers react video, and I just can't resist one of those, no matter how little I know about the thing they react to. Blah, blah, I decided one of them is cute. He didn't really stand out to me then, but that might be because I'm hopelessly biased to Shane and anything but him is pretty replaceable. Anyhoe, that's how I found about Dan Howell's existence. I might be a little obsessed by now. Just a little. A tiny little bit. Yeah.

I am pretty sure Phil Lester is next in the to-be-obsessed-with list but it's not his time yet.
This however made me think about all my favorite youtubers and my ultimate love, Shane Dawson (mainly because Dan is currently making it really hard to stay that way).
Shane is the thing that makes me smile, lights up my day and causes other various cheesy reactions. Anyway. I think the first video of his I saw was the Twilight parody, I'm not sure. That's what stood out the most to my youtube-inexperienced self a couple of years ago though. He owns the title of my favorite youtuber ever since.
And then there's Dan who is fucking flawless and lives with another fucking flawless creature and oh my poor fangirling heart.

I can't wait for the moment I overcome my laziness and finally watch more of Tyler Oakley, DaveyWavey, Cyr, AmazingPhil, MyHarto, Rosanna Pansino, Onison, Joey Graceffa, Ryan Higa and the list probably goes on. I don't even remember some of those people's names and that's bad.
And no, I don't really like Pewds, he creeps me out.
I should probably stop this now or it'll goes on forever. Though I'll probably keep showering this blog in my youtube feels. I will. Soon.

By the way, Shanaynay is the baws.

nekrateholic: (Default)
This is a list of ten (if I manage to make them only ten) songs that I'll probably never get tired of. Never. I've listened to most of them on repeat for days. Multiple times.

This is the best music video ever made I swear ;-;

The Korean version does the trick too <3

More than 10 whoops. Then again, I like the number 12 so I guess it's okay.
Funny thing is, for most of the non-kpop artists there this is the only song of theirs I know/like. Love. Adore. You know what I mean.
Actually, now that I think of it, the only artists, kpop and non-kpop, that I actually listen to if we exclude the songs above (and maybe one or two more for each artist O.o) are... Bon Jovi. Lunafly. And Maroon 5 maybe. Kind of.
...And that's pretty much it. ._.
Well, I don't exactly count B.A.P because while I do like a bunch of their songs, most of the time they're just, meh.
I re-read this and I realized I make no sense. Oh well. It's not like someone reads it anyway. *side-eyes Momo & Ivetchen.*
I might do a part two of this because I have nothing better to do. orz

(no subject)

Sunday, September 8th, 2013 09:40 pm
nekrateholic: (Default)

Seemed accurate.

Anyway. This. Someone please spazz over it with me. I love colourful hair. And creepy-wannabe videos. And Ilhoon is doing really great with the creepy role.

Anyway2. I have no idea what I'm doing. Yesterday I was contemplating making a post about bananas. In which the word banana would have been repeated about 50 times. And the post would have been about 50 words long. I'll just stop now.
I WANT TO SKYPE WITH NOAH OKAY. And my family is all around me and I can't. fml.
Also, how could she do this? I hate her. I do, I do. I hate her. SORCERERS AND GUARDIANS OKAY. I can't even. How does she do this. I can't. I want to be her imagination. ;---------;
This was a meaningless sentence ^
But not really. Fanfiction. Click. Today I was like, I haven't read a story of hers in a while, I'll try this one.
Two hours later I'm mentally sobbing why stupid red robe sorcerers are doing things to Sehun and Kai. And Luhan is talking to a dragon.
What am I doing with my life.
I'll just  end this before it gets ugly.
Uglier than it already is.
nekrateholic: (Default)
 No more Alice Hoffman for me.
No more.
Maybe "Practical Magic" when they translate it in Bulgarian.
But that's it.
I swore I won't touch any of her books from now on, but I can't, okay? I just finished "The Ice Queen" and I was more or less bored until the last 50 or something pages. It definitely did not end like I expected it to. It had that emotional thingy that warms you up inside but... It's like those romcoms, you enjoy while you watch them but you don't even remember what happens two days later. Speaking of that, I just finished "The Ice Queen" and I still have no idea what's the lead character's name. No really. I looked through random parts where it could be mentioned but no, no name. And I just count the characters. All of them. 22. Including all the people whose name and existence even is mentioned not more than once. Including the cat and the dog too (not counting the moles because they technically had no names). That's not much. And I still can't get over the fact that I don't know the lead character's name. No more Alice Hoffman for me.

That aside. I made a goodreads account. And it ruined my life. I am constantly begging someone to buy me books. I am about to spend 1/4 of my savings for books. And I only spent like... 5 minutes there. Goodreads is a scary place.
I'll probably rant about those books too, at some point. For now though, I'd like to keep my sanity. Just for tonight. ;-;

BtoB's new video. BTOB'S NEW VIDEO, OKAY.

The song is okay. It's okay. A little more than okay. It's calm, it has that indie feel to it and I love Peniel's "you think I want you back. psht".
The reason for the epic fan spazz though. HE HAS A NEW TATTOO. TATTOOS. I CAN'T. I CAN'T EVEN.
Changsub bby. Come to mama.

Did I mention Sungjae + blond hair equals perfection? No? It does.
And that's as far as my pg thoughts go.
...that's not really pg, is it?

Look at me, spazzing over kpop while listening to ADTR. fyeah.
That's the song by the way. BtoB's.

Wtf, people.

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013 11:16 pm
nekrateholic: (Default)
 I can't, okay. I can't. I'll either rant here or on the people that make me feel the way I feel now and the latter probably would end in tears. Ugh.
Depressed people. I can't even. On tumblr, on facebook, on everywhere. Everything is spammed with depressive quotes and stupid anorexic pictures, quotes about love, that actually have nothing to do with love. Really. Really? It's stupid, damn it. It's so stupid I can't even wrap my head around it.
No, honey. If you were really depressed you'd curl up in some unknown corner trying to stop crying. If you were really depressed you most definitely won't even have the willpower to get your ass on a computer and spam the world with how bad you feel. No. Just no.
And you know what I hate the most? When there are quotes, book quotes, movie quotes, etc. that are taken out of their context. They take a fictional character's life event, or story, or something and make it seem like it's a thing that sumps up every life ever. No. Just. No. If you don't give a damn about your life - your choice, if you don't care why should we. But don't bring books in it. Quotes. My rant is kind of stupid, isn't it?
About book quotes. But I can't stand it. Every book brings some kind of meaning, some kind of truth that you realize troughout it. Something that makes you think. Something that the whole book tells. Cutting out only the sad parts to make it look like it's an universal rule. I hate it when someone takes something beautiful and makes it look like... like this. No. It doesn't only show how self-centered you are, but also shows how ignorant you are for ignoring solution while focusing on the problem.
Your damn depression will be over when you get over the fact that the world does not revolve around you. And no, you can't die, you don't have the right to. Your life isn't yours, it's for the people that love you. And no, kids, it doesn't mean your crush who doesn't love you back. There is a thing called "parents". I don't know if you've  heard of it. It's the thing you ignore every time you come home late, it's the thing you ignore when it yells at you because you yet again did something stupid. This thing loves you. It gave you the life that you have, the roof above your head and the meal on your table. But no, who cares about parents, right? Now that I rant about kids that actually have no parents, or people that don't deserve to be called that. But oh wait, those kids don't go on facebook, spamming the whole wide world with how deeply depressed they are, do they?
Excuse me for thinking romantisizing cutting, and alchoholism, and all the shit like that is stupid. Because it is. It really, really is. If you had the guts to just take a look at the world outside your own little box, you'd not even consider giving up. And oh my, death isn't the pretty ending to your sad little story. It's a luxury you can't have. No one can. No one has the right to give up, because you hurt people. But who cares, right? All that matters are your own little problems.
When I was little the trend was barbie dolls. Playing outside. There was no fucking trend, that's sarcasm.
And now all I seem to see from 10 to 16 kids is cutting, suicide, depression. Really. Really? Get your damn childhood back, you're still a kid, stop trying to prove the world otherwise.

I don't even know what I just wrote. It probably has a gazillion mistakes. Wat iz enrish even.
No but really, all this makes me think internet should be illegal for people under 16.
nekrateholic: (Default)
I'm feeling exceptionally creative tonight so why not make a post. Not that it'll have something creative in it.
But it really feels good not feeling like shit. Let's count the times I can use "feel" in a sentence.
The book I'm reading right now - "The Dovekeepers" by Alice Hoffman, it's really... Not my thing. For lack of a better word. It gets so difficult to read at times, I feel like the world around me is crumbling. Because in the book it kind of is. And it has so much religion in it, to the point where it's beginning to annoy me, even as I'm religious. It's the first book I've read by Alice Hoffman, and it's one of her "adult novels" as they're called on her website and I'm thinking I should probably not touch any of her adult novels anymore.
Anyway, I'm just happy the book's influence on me has worn off for now.

I'll probably go see "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" on Sunday. I can't wait! I really enjoyed the book and the cast is good so I have a good feeling about this. Not that that had anything to do with anything I said or am about to say. But it's my ranting blog, so who cares?

Oldschool songs make me think of winter. Home, Christmas. I don't even know why. Especially when I listen to Goo Goo Dolls or Guns 'n Roses. I can imagine cookies in the oven and the snow outside, even if it's sun and sweat instead of snow and ice. And now I feel like apologizing. It felt like apologizing before the snowy feeling, but now that I think of winter, the need to apologize is even stronger. And I have someone particular in mind. That person hurt people I love and I hated on them in return, and now I feel like apologizing.  People grow up, right? I've grown up. I don't even know if I'll do it, but I want to.
It's like that, tonight. It's all pink clouds and unicorns and I feel good, for a change. I blame... I blame the people around me. It's funny how talking to someone who you haven't talked i-don't-even-remember-how-long can make you feel that good.

I think heart-shaped glasses would fit me right now. Pink. Or blue, I like blue.
nekrateholic: (Default)
I don't even know why I'm using this quote as a subject. It's probably because of my latest obsession with Walter Moers' "The City of Dreaming Books". Still, it feels strangely accurate now (because I created a blog woo).

I've never run a blog whatsoever. Even my tumblr, I just reblog and reblog and reblog and who cares I have it for more than two years now, I still have no idea what to do with it, apart from "reblog reblog reblog".
I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. How do you even do this?

I'll just end my misery now.
Dear non-existent readers, 
I present you
Have fun.

March 2017



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