nekrateholic: (Default)
I watched BBCR1's Teen Awards tonight and it hit me (once again) how much I want to be in the music business. It doesn't matter how - just. Just something that has something to do with music.
And that brought me to a personal... monologue, of sorts. A monologue that hasn't played in my head for quite some time. It's all these thoughts and opinions that never really come up in a regular conversation and the words are left stuck in your head for the rest of eternity. And what is this blog other than a waste bin for all those words. 
So music.
I have this proffesor this year that keeps giving us an example for how most of today's artists aren't actually talented. This is the question she always asks - Can they fill up a whole arena with their voice only? No microphones, just acapella. Just their voices. The answer is no. Most of them can't.
I am not ashamed to admit that most of the musicians I like, probably all of the musicians I admire and look up to, can't. I see nothing wrong with that. Because music, you see, is not about the voice. It's not about the melody either. Yes, they are important - but not the most important parts of a song. It's all about the feelings. The emotion. I guess a thousand people with a degree would disagree with me but hey, I'm the one who buys the music. I'm the one who enjoys it. I think in the end, my opinion - and that of every other person that loves a song anywhere - is the most important. Anyway.
My point was - it's not about how perfect a song (or a voice, or a melody) is - it's about how it affects you. You can tell when a song is made with feelings. You just can. And to me, that's just as beautiful as any voice that can fill up an arena acapella.
Speaking of feelings, and how music makes people feel, let's mention a few terms: "good music"; "bad music"; "real music". You know what I'm about to talk about.
The reason I transitioned on "feelings" is because what is an opinion if not a feeling about something put into words. Back to the terms. I don't believe any of them exist. Sure, there are types of music that I like more than others (although I try my best to be as tolerant as possible) but. Opinion. That's what this is. I don't get people that shame other people for the music they like - I mean, the fact that you don't like a certain musician doesn't mean he or she or they are not talented. The fact that there are people with, say, a stronger voice, different range than said certain musician still doesn't mean he or she or they are not talented. It hurts me to see musicians who put their everything into what they're doing and people just go and point fingers because "he can't sing" or "she sucks so bad" or whatever else they think of criticizing. It takes so much to build something you love, to put it out there for everyone to see. And it takes so little to tear someone else's thing down. It makes me sad. It makes me want to slap people. It makes me want to teach my potential kids respect.
The way I see it, music comes to life for three general reasons:
To save yourself.
To save others.
To save the world.
Just think about it - every song out there is someone's salvation - be it the musicians' or the kid that finds hope in it. No one should be allowed to shame that. Music is music, it doesn't matter if it is or if it's not your thing, it doesn't matter if it's the best, as long as there's somebody out there that appreciates it it's beautiful and it deserves some respect.

Funnily enough, while I was writing all this love that I have for music in general, my brain was screaming at me "WHAT ABOUT ANACONDA".
But hey, everybody needs a distraction from all the seriousness every once in a while, right?


Thursday, November 13th, 2014 08:40 pm
nekrateholic: (Default)
These days it seems one of my favorite things to do is to hate on 14-18 years old me for its general existence.
I mean it was stupid. Me, I mean. I will refer to me as 'it'. It was so... ordinary. And not ordinary enough. And being aufully dramatic and depressed for no apparent reason. And with a bad haircut and bad clothes and bad everything (except for music. my taste in music might have been limited but it was fucking cool). 
However, in the spirit of my never ending battle with self hatred I tried to think of the reasons why 14-18 years old me was so emo in the worst possible way. It was really fucking lonely.
See, I've always been an extremely awkward person. I realized that in high school simply because I grew up in a small society where everyone knew me and I didn't get the chance to be awkward. I was also the teacher's kid and everybody knew who I was. I was not popular - our school didn't work like that but they knew me and they were good to me.
Now, imagine putting this extremely awkward person in an entirely new environment where it literally knows no one. Granted, I had a few distant relatives and two childhood friends in town but I was never really close to them and it just didn't work. It was bad. It was worse than bad. 14-year-olds can be quite cruel. I had (and still have) my best friend of course and I love her to pieces for it. She was a lot of help to - I don't know - not kill myself (although that's unlikely for I have been blessed with a level of responsibility to the people around me). I had her but she was a good 2 hours away and even if we talked every day she was not there. Eventually I started hanging out with one of the childhood friends but she is 4 or 5 years older and while I understand her now I really didn't back then. I remember asking one of my classmates (when I got around to actually talking to them) if they would cry if I was to die. It was a YA book worthy period of internet friends, crushes gone bad and overly dramatical and unreasonable depression.
Fast forward to meeting you. I think it was after the forum thing which is important because they were the first people to show me I am actually capable of making someone like me. Now if only I could do it not hiding behind an username. You happened and while I still hid behind an username to some extent you were there. It took me time - a lot of fucking time - to realize that you were there and you were not going anywhere and hey, 'it' didn't suck that bad. Remember those years I told you about? Those levels of friendship or whatever I called them back then. It wasn't because I didn't care for you or because I had trust issues (I did, but trust works weird for me) or I didn't believe in you. It was because I did all of those things and a lot and it took me years to convince myself it's all actually reciprocated. I'm shit at explaining but it's late and I'm this close to not knowing what I am saying (then again when am I not). To say it this way - you were the first real, big and important thing that made me start believing in myself. Take this as one of the millions of love letters you deserve.

This all, however, does not excuse my general idiocy during my teenage years. But then again who isn't an idiot during high school.
It took me a lot of time be as okay with myself as I am now and it was hard but there were - no - there are people worth trying for. 
Yes, Mikey Way, life gets better when you get better.

PS 'Best I Can' is a positive song no matter how much you deny it. It's about fighting, about not giving up. And it also makes me feel okay. And it makes me feel me. And this is the dumbest ending in the history of endings.

March 2017



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